Why adoption?

So, there were about a million different ways that I wanted to start this blog.  I have written this post several times in my head, only to feel frustrated and start over because it is impossible to convey all of the "whys" and feelings in a post.  Adoption is personal and so out there all at the same time.  It is beautiful and messy.  It forces you to your knees and lifts your eyes to God.  I can feel encouraged, scared, excited, at peace, and truly saddened to my core all at the same time.  I feel like I am holding on for dear life while being mercifully sheltered.

Technically, Ben and I started this process way back in high school before we even started dating.  I have always been passionate about caring for children and felt God calling me to adopt when I was on a mission trip in Jamaica working at an orphanage called New Hope.  I was a rising sophomore in high school.  Well, Ben and I started talking while scraping paint off a wall in Jamaica two years later and began our friendship.  I spent hours IMing (what we did before texting :) back and forth with Ben about life.  He was my best friend.  Somewhere in there, he ended up asking me out.  It took a few times and several months for me to say yes, but before I did, I had a few deal breakers to discuss.  One of them was adoption.  I knew beyond a shadow of a doubt this was part of how God would form my family and I did not see any value in dating someone who couldn't at least see it as an option.  Ben saw it as more than an option.  He put words to some of the deepest feelings I had about it and felt that adoption was part of the plan for him as well.

Over the years we have come to God to ask about His timing for adoption.  Each time we were stretched a little more with our walk with God and with each other.  Each time we were given more clarity about what direction we were to go.  Each time we also heard "not yet."

This year, it was different.  This year our hearts could not settle in the waiting.  For weeks I willed myself to be patient and to look at things logically on paper.  Well that is just it.  I do not serve a God who does things based on lists and bank accounts.  Ben and I finally put our thoughts into words and realized peace once we decided to move forward with adoption.  We took a learning community class at church on adoption.  We have had some hard discussions and decisions already.  I feel a little crazy when I look at the finances required to adopt and have to remember that God is who He says He is and He has never been confined by what the world sees.

As far as the specifics? Well, we are planning a domestic infant adoption and we are currently raising money to fund our home study. We are at the very beginning.  It feels daunting and exciting.  We have been blessed by a church community filled with adoptive families.  God is in the details and He is the God of chocolate cake too.  I am challenged and encouraged. Please lift us up in prayer, it is the most valuable gift you could give us.

-Melinie